Karma's Gonna Get You
by Kerilu95
Summary: Having betrayed Lucy and the entire Fairy tail Guild, what path is there left of Lisanna to take? How do you obtain that which was never available in the first place? Lisanna reminisces about the last few dreadful days she had been through in her trusty white book. Will she gain our sympathy or is it her just deserts? *AU of Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained Chapter 15 Please R&R!


**Disclaimer:**I have not, do not and (probably) never will own Fairy Tail. It belongs to Hiro Mashima!

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Just an idea I had for a while...It's to upload Lisanna's diary entry from Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained Chapter 15 (feel free to read it *nudge nudge* *wink wink*) as a one shot with a different story line but the same elements (like an AU). It's not too long, but it gets the point across.

**Summary: **Having betrayed Lucy and the entire Fairy tail Guild, what path is there left of Lisanna to take? How do you obtain that which was never available in the first place? Lisanna reminisces about the last few dreadful days she had been through in her trusty white book. Will she gain our sympathy or is it her just deserts?

**ENJOY!**

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_**Just Deserts **_

Dear Diary

The last few dreadful days were soaked in lies. And now, at the end of it, I have to go to bed with a mountain of regret and shame on my shoulders.

_Lisanna started writing in her faithful and discreet little white book. Her shoulders shook with the sobs she was holding back. She clenched her jaw shut, trying to numb out the headache which had sprung from all the excess tension. Her head was beginning to spin. _

My eyes feel like they are on fire, they're burning from all the tears. There's no one to blame but myself though. It had been my choice to drive Lucy away, never suspecting I might lose Natsu in the process. And the thought of having lost him makes me feel like I'm dying inside…

It all began when I spread a rumor where Lucy had exposed top secrets about Fairy Tail to a dark guild. A dark guild I lured in with veneer promises and false hope. The guild attack Fairy Tail at its weakness, I knew the guild would take a hard hit but I wasn't worried, for my guild was strong and would recover.

Lucy was blamed, but without sufficient evidence, she was merely banned for a window period in which investigations would be conducted. It didn't matter though since the short time would've been enough for me to get Natsu.

I didn't expect what Lucy would do next…she infiltrated the dark guild that attacked Fairy Tail. Using her smarts Lucy determined that, between a group of perverted old men Lucy could use her devious sex appeal to gain information. This way, Lucy managed to wrap all the higher-ups around her little finger and get insight into the deals they made with me.

After Lucy had been sufficiently informed, her next move was to escape. However, her plan didn't go as smoothly as she had hoped. Why? Because I warned one of the men that she might try something and before she did they should take away her keys. The man followed my advice and soon Lucy, unable to defend herself without her keys, was – as usual - captured. I didn't expect what would happen next though…the dark guild took Lucy as a hostage and used her against Fairy Tail, against me! That's wasn't part of the deal…

They stated their demands; to hand over Fairy Tail's great magic, which had then been exposed to the world at the time. Natsu, completely ignoring Gramps' orders to stay back, went in head first into a group of depraved dark mages who had lost their way to the darkness. Natsu's fire burned more brightly than ever that day, and he saved Lucy.

In the midst of the fight, Lucy silently confronted me, whispering to me that she 'knows'. She knew that I tipped of the Dark Guild. I had been terrified at that moment; if she made that I was an accomplice of the dark guild general knowledge, then I'd surely be excommunicated! And I couldn't afford being kicked out, not when Mira-nee and Elfman was there. I have never been so afraid of losing my place in the guild.

Yet, for some reason I cannot comprehend, Lucy never revealed that I was the real culprit. Did she want me to bear the weight of my guilt alone? Perhaps what I needed was a good scolding, but I never got one…was that act of mercy punishment in disguise?

After her performance, Lucy had been accepted back into the guild. She was never found guilty, but neither was I. And it tore at me; it gnawed on the flesh of my conscience until I finally gave in to despair. I came clean about everything.

Despite everything I have done Natsu managed to use the part of his heart which loves his comrades unconditionally to forgive me, so now I can only hope that my fellow guild mates will be able to forgive me in the same way. But I'm afraid that when I step foot into the guild again that I'll be excommunicated for real while everyone is laughing at me and shaking their heads while thinking 'you poor fool'.

Perhaps I am a fool…a fool for thinking that I could sacrifice one Nakama, and my entire guild, for the heart of the one who loves this comrade and guild the most…it's contradiction at its finest. I had to do something to show my dear Nakama the depth of my regret, but I have no idea how…?

This whole ordeal would never have happened if I've haven't been holding on to a notion which a momentary lapse in my judgment caused. The devil inside me took advantage of my weaknesses; my fiercely competitive nature and my wish of being number 1 in Natsu's heart, and filled my head with the false hope I so carefully cultivated in the Dark Guild I used. I hoped that by framing Lucy and getting her out-of-the-way, that Natsu's heart would be mine for the taking. But how could I take away something that was never there in the first place? When Natsu rushed to save Lucy, I knew that the part of Natsu's heart that Lucy held left with him as well.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I overheard Natsu saying that Lucy is his beloved and asked her to be with him. Naturally she accepted in a fit of happiness. Lucy had gotten Natsu, without doing anything special. Without trying hard to do anything but be her useless, vivacious self. Is this the time when people would say 'life's not fair'? Because I feel that statement describes my feelings pretty accurately now.

Now that I have nothing left to hold on to, what choice do I have but to let go? I've had enough; I think this might be it for me and Natsu. Before I over think this and do something stupid again, I should step down from the stage, which is the battlefield, for Natsu's heart. Maybe this is a good thing in itself…Life's too short for living with unrequited love, so by freeing me from those particular set of shackles I open myself up to world of new adventures and excitement. My ignorance was bliss, but just because I am no longer ignorant it doesn't mean that I have no more bliss. I could certainly try finding my bliss again in learning new things, doing things for myself and being independent.

That's all well and ideal, but will I be able to do it? Only time will tell I suppose…if there's one thing I regret, it's that I've only ever seen my own selfish desires, and not the you who stood in front of me…

Natsu…my dear childhood friend, you were always an idiot - recklessly challenging stronger opponents to battles that seemed impossible to win and setting everything ablaze at the slightest provocation - I don't think I'll miss that part of you as much as I'll miss the warmth of your kindness which easily matched the heat of your fire…I wish that, before I receive my just desserts and I excommunicated, that you could blow me one last kiss…


End file.
